i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
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we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
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Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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