Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize