The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
do herpes really smell.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
