K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
