If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
