There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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