happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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