Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
