Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
