I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
