I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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