i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
