The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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