This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
