You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
