I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
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This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
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So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
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