if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize