i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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