I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
