I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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