I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
