Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
