Barsexuality is the new black.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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