cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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