I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
