hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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