somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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