please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
