from now on my penis is your penis
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
