I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
