i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
