So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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