3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
