She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
