I want to make a zoo with you.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
