Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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