last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
