so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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