Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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