I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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