Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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