You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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