As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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