dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
