That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
