I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
