So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
