I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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