No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I am one with the molecules
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
