Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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