Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
