at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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