and next time when you feel me up, do it right
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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