I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I am one with the molecules
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
