And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
