You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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